I'm so sorry Japan (AmeriPan)
by Phantomxlegend
Summary: The bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki left Japan in shambles. America wants to go and apologize but he chose the wrong time to. Later with the 9/11 attacks devastating America he pays another visit to Japan much to his surprise. Will they get along after what happened 74 years ago? Rated T for blood, gore, depressing topics and slight language.


So this fanfiction is more on the long side. This is also the first Ameripan story that I wrote so it might be crappy since I have improved a lot in my writing and how to write certain characters to it might be OOC and it might be crap. It takes place after WWII (which most of us know that it ends with the bombing of both Hiroshima and Nagasaki) and later the after affects of 9/11 (Terrorist attacks on the world trade center in New York). This story is in no way making fun of the things that happened in both those huge events (I guess well it's three events) and it was made purely out of respect to all the victims of the events. Read with caution as it contains things in the warnings below. With that I hope that you enjoy this slightly more depressing fanfiction and please leave a review if you liked or how I can improve. It's a bit longer than the rest of my one shots on my account but that's okay, I promise that it has a happy ending.  
**Warnings: It is a bit depressing and contains blood, gore, and slight language (like two or three), human and country names are both used.**

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God [POV]

Silence, there was only silence, WWII was over. The Axis powers had lost and they were all spending their own time mourning over the many loss of their people, many of the countries were. America, however, was happily gloating about his winnings to the other fallen Axis powers though he himself had suffered a great loss. Though like most American stereotypes, America was oblivious to the damage that he had caused using the foul weapons that he called atomic bombs on his once friend. Japan had suffered greatly in the war but he was determined to continue to fight even after Germany and Italy had surrendered. He wanted to win the war and he wanted to keep his honor but was forced to surrender when America started to play dirty.

September 2, 1945

America sat in the large press conference, his leader and Japan's were both there, they were signing the official surrender to the war but one thing that he noticed was that Japan wasn't with them.

"Shouldn't Kiku be with us, it is his country after all?" America thought, crossing one leg over the other scanning the room of senators and other government officials for any sign of the quiet black haired country. He had put up a good fight but it was time to end this fighting so America had used the last resort. That was what he convinced himself, that it was only the last resort, he didn't want to do it but he was left with no choice.

"Yes, that's the reason, it was the last resort, only the last resort" he repeated to himself over and over again in his head but the longer that the meeting went on as both leaders discussed the terms of the agreement

"If I may ask, where is Kiku?" America finally interrupted "Where is Japan?"

"Oh Japan" Japan's emperor's lips curved into a frown "He hasn't been feeling well" his frown turned into a look of pity and shame "he hasn't been well enough to stand so he wasn't able to attend the meeting today" There was another slight pause from the emperor "it will take a long time for him to recover" Then again his expression changed into a slight smile "I'm sure that he would love to see you though" America saw in the corner of his eye the president, give him a concerned look.

"Alfred" the president started

"May I be excused from this meeting? I want to go see Kiku" America announced firmly

"Of course America," the Emperor said, the president sighed

"I guess there's no stopping you then Alfred, I don't see any other things that you need to hear about here" the president waved him away with another sigh

"Thank you" America stood quickly, grabbing his jacket and bag before leaving just as quickly. The travel was short to Japan's house since America knew the way from being invited over other times.

America [POV]

I didn't bother knocking on the door since Japan's emperor had said that he wasn't feeling well enough to stand so instead I unlocked the front door with a spare key that I had discovered it's hiding place and still hadn't told Japan.

"Kiku?" I asked softly stepping into the house, it seemed abandoned. There was a thin layer of dust coating almost everything and cobwebs hung in the corner.

"Kiku?" I asked again a little louder as I walked down the hallway. I opened up the sliding door to Japan's room. My heart seemed to stop at what I saw; Japan was laying on his futon on the floor. The blanket was pulled up to his waist and I saw he had no shirt on but his skin was covered in burns and boils. Blood oozed out of burns and cuts staining the white bedsheets. His face was almost unrecognizable, a large black burn covered the right half of his face. His hair was longer than before and messy. His chest rose and fell rapidly with each quick shallow breath. He seemed like he was gasping for breath. His eyes were half open and cloudy staring up at the ceiling

"Kiku" I repeated sitting on my knees on the floor next to him.

"Y-Yao please j-j-just l-leave" Japan gasped out his voice strained and hoarse his eyes flicked back and forth before settling on my face. I felt my heartbeat speed up as I saw his face turn grim upon recognizing me

"W-W...What do you..., W-Wan-t A-Ameri...ca?" he sputtered out forcing anger into his voice

"Kiku I came to see how you were, you look awful, do you want me to help you with anything?" I offered quickly feeling guilt nag at the pit of my stomach

"G-Go away Amer-ca" he insisted slowly regaining more of his breath

"I'm sorry Kiku it was only a last resort" I explained to him furrowing my eyebrows concerned. Kiku sat up slowly, I could hear his bones cracking with protest and I could see in his face that just that single movement was excruciatingly painful. I thought he was only sitting up but he continued getting to his feet slowly the blankets bunching up on the floor.

"Kiku your emperor said you weren't well enough to walk" I insisted standing up slowly

"W-Why d..do you..., even care?" he asked taking a cautious step towards me his legs shaking. I thought he was going to pass out the way his eyes rolled back in his head but he stayed standing his hand trailing back pressed against the wall to steady himself.

"Kiku shouldn't you rest?" I asked holding my hands, palms outward to him but he ignored me slowly and painfully walking over to the other wall which his katana was leaning up against still in its sheath. He lifted it up slowly and I immediately went into defense mode thinking that he was going to attack me. Though he came back over his eyes full of anger but still glazed over with fever and sickness. Clutching the sword in his hand he held it out to me the handle up like he wanted me to take the sword out of the sheath

"What are you doing Kiku?" I asked

"T-Take the K-Katana America...," he snapped his breaths becoming more shallow

"What?"

"Take t-t-the handle and p-pull it out of..., the sheath d-d-don't tell me you d-d-don't know... how to u-use a sword" He snapped speaking as quickly as his shallow breathing would allow

"But why?" I asked

"J-Just d-do..., It" he shouted his voice cracking and breaking in the middle. I furrowed my eyebrows gripping the handle of the sword and slowly pulling it out of the sheath that Japan gripped tightly. His katana was light and neatly polished. I nearly dropped the sword when Japan dropped the sheath collapsing to his knees his entire body trembling with the strain of walking that he had put on it

"Kiku you had me unsheath your sword where is this going?" I asked nervously, Japan looked up at me pain filling his chocolate brown eyes as he gripped the blade of the katana that I held facing the ground at my side. He gripped it just as tightly as he gripped the sheath for it but this time the blade dug into his skin. He pulled the blade up to his neck his shoulders rising and falling violently his trembling only getting worse

"Kill..., me" he begged the black charred skin on his face screaming out at me

"What? No..., Kiku why would I ever kill you?" I asked my hands starting to shake

"Just kill me" He shouted "Just get it over with" his eyebrows furrowed with anger again "Just put me out of my misery!"

"Kiku no, I'm not going to do that, I never wanted to do this in the first place but you left me no choice, Kiku this was my only option, I couldn't keep fighting" I insisted dropping the Katana

"Stop playing with me, stop torturing me and my people, you have a clear chance to kill me right now and just get me out of the way, I'm weak and I'm dying already just get it over with, haven't you already had enough fun" Tears welled in the corners of his eyes "America it hurts so god d*nm much just get it over with and kill me, do me a favor and put me out of my misery, you've already taken my honor, and my legacy what else do you want from me? My head on a stick at your front door to prove your power? I won't be able to face the other countries again so just get it over with, just kill me, take my land, and leave my people alone" Kiku started coughing tears and blood dripping down onto the floor between his fingers

"Kiku I'm sorry, I had no other choice" I knelt down in front of him reaching out, putting one hand on his shoulder, this wasn't how Japan usually acted so I didn't know how to console him, he never showed this much emotion and if he did it was in a polite quiet way. Japan jerked away from my touch which made his coughing worse as he struggled to catch his breath. I had messed up, I had royally messed up to make Japan this angry.

"Kiku~" A friendly voice cooed from the hallway, a voice that I was very familiar with, China opened the door a bright smile on his face "I brought you some tea" his face fell as he saw me on the floor next to Japan "Alfred what on earth are you doing here? Haven't you done enough damage to Kiku?" his eyes trailed to Japan's Katana on the floor "and were you trying to kill him with his own Katana? that is simply shameful especially in his state"

"I wasn't trying to kill him" I insisted holding my hands up defensively

"Just move" China knelt down in front of Japan "Kiku calm down" He protectively pulled Japan into his lap as he continued to cough without any sign of stopping "You've gotten yourself all worked up, you're only going to get yourself worse like that, calm down it's okay" Even though China had fought against Japan he was acting like an overprotective brother, a part of me wished that I could have that kind of relationship but there was no way that I would be able to do that "Just breathe Kiku" China gently rubbed circles into Japan's back until his coughing slowed down and his breathing steadied at least somewhat "Have you calmed down? getting yourself all worked up like that is only going to get you more hurt, and getting angry won't solve anything, what has been done is done"

"Kiku, I'm sorry" I apologized again my voice quiet, Japan didn't say anything for a long time as he leaned on China briefly catching his breath coughing a few times before he moved away

"Kiku" China furrowed his eyebrows concerned "You shouldn't be moving let me help you"

"I-I-I'm not f-four thousand yet" Japan muttered his voice scratchy and hoarse, he tried to stand up again as he did before but since he wasn't in the right health before to stand and after that breakdown, his legs immediately crumbled from beneath his feet and he fell back down. He started to tremble and buried his face in his hands on the floor.

"Kiku it's going to be okay, it'll heal, you'll get better soon" China insisted putting one hand on Japan's back again rubbing gentle circles

"I d-don't care about h-h-healing" Japan cried out "S-So many of my p-p-people have died b-because of this war and so many o-o-of my people have died at the hand of h-him" Japan looked up at me his eyes bloodshot, pained tears streaming down his face onto the floor

"I'm sorry" I repeated furrowing my eyebrows feeling tears prick at my own eyes

"You're sorry? Is that all you have to offer? That you're sorry?" he coughed again and I worried that he was going to go back into another coughing fit like before "All you have to offer is an apology? you've done so much too much for a simple apology, you destroyed my people, you destroyed two of my cites and I'm sure much more during the war, my land is now tainted with radiation and can no longer be habited and all you have to offer is an apology?" He took his Katana from the floor which had been slightly stained with his own blood from when he grabbed it beforehand

"Kiku...," I started knowing that surly now he was going to attack me, he was angry and I was feeling guilty, even though he was weak from the bombs he wasn't an idiot, I'm sure that he knew that he'd be able to get a few good hits on me if he tried hard enough, and I would let him.

"Alfred F. Jones" he started attempting again to stand up this time leaning heavily on his Katana for balance, his face was cold and angry compared to his usual emotionless stare "I swear to all the gods in the sky, that I will one day see you reduced to the pile of rubble and ashes that you have left me in today, there will be a day where all over the news the words 'America has fallen' will be displayed and I will be there that day" he paused making sure to give time for the poison of his words to sink in "The day that America falls will be a glorious celebration in Japan, and I swear to you that I will see that day" I was speechless, well how am I supposed to respond to someone declaring your fall?

"Kiku please don't strain yourself so much you're recovering" China begged, putting his hands on Japan's shoulders. Japan didn't pull away though and instead, he lifted up the Katana pressing the tip to my chest though not hard enough to cause pain or break the skin

"America will fall" Japan announced swallowing hard

"Okay Kiku you've made your point put the Katana down and you need to rest" China put his hand over Japan's as he gripped his Katana tighter

"I'll rest when I'm dead" Japan spat the Katana slipping from his hands clattering to the floor. I jumped back not wanting to be impaled in the foot by its tip

"Kiku" China pressed the back of his hand against Japan's forehead "God Kiku you're burning up again, I'm sure it's the radiation sit down please so you don't go into another coughing fit"

"I'm sorry" Japan responded wincing as he pushed China's hand away "I can take care of myself Yao" he pursed his lips tightly "and you two being here only rubs it in more that I lost so please Yao, America, leave" I frowned at the fact that Japan was now refusing to call me by my human name

"We can help you, you don't have to do everything by yourself Kiku, we don't have to fight anymore, we've come to an agreement, we don't have to be on opposite sides" I insisted furrowing my eyebrows concerned

"Your 'coming to an agreement' is dropping nuclear bombs on my people" Japan snarled anger once again filling his expression

"What has been done is done Kiku, there's no way to change what happened. It's not expected of you to forgive right away and especially not in a few months but, you can't expect to heal when you hold these grudges" China insisted

"Get out of my house" Japan hissed at me "Both of you" Weakly Japan bent down picking up the Katana and sheath covering it back up

"Are you sure that you'll be able to take care of yourself on your own?" China asked

"I'm not a child anymore Yao, I don't need your pitiful help" Japan limped over to where he got the Katana and leaned it against the wall

"I'll come to check up on your later Kiku" China promised, taking me by the arm

"Don't" Japan hissed as we left. Once we were out of the house China finally snapped at me.

"Alfred what on earth were you thinking? Going over to Kiku's house when you were the one to do that to him, you know how much pain he is in emotionally and physically? What did you expect from him? A civilized conversation when he's like that? You better not have been surprised by how emotional he was for god's sake Alfred you killed tons of his people and destroyed countless miles of his land" China shouted putting one hand forcefully on my shoulder "Didn't you think that he might have gotten emotional?"

"No...," I started "I wanted to apologize"

"You should have waited until he healed more to visit because now his health has declined more because he got so worked up about you coming over to talk" China furrowed his eyebrows angrily

"I didn't mean to make it worse, I wanted to help him, I really do" I insisted brushing his hand off my shoulder

"I was trying to fix up my relationship with him, maybe get a second chance because I failed at a big brother the first time, he was somewhat accepting my help because he knew that he was weak, Alfred, he can barely do anything now and you, wanting to help isn't going to help him when he doesn't want your help because you're the one to put him in this position in the first place" China threw his hands up in the air exasperatedly a frown stretching across his face

"I'm sorry," I told him

"Stay away from Kiku for now Alfred, he's not going to forgive you for a long time" China sighed "and what he said about you falling, that wasn't a declaration of war, it wasn't even a true threat, he won't attack you" China reassured me "Don't worry about it"

"Yeah, I should go, I'm sure that you both don't want me here" I managed a small smile before I turned around

"It's for the best" China sighed letting me walk away without saying anything else. I didn't go to Japan again while he was healing in fear of setting him off again and making him worse. I continued to think about what he declared and the next time I saw Japan was almost a year later at a world meeting. He had healed enough to take care of himself on his own, he could walk and fight but everyone knew that he wasn't at full strength and the horrible burn scars would always be there.

"Kiku" Italy exclaimed as Japan walked into the meeting room "Kiku I was so worried about you, I heard what happened on the news, I wanted to make sure that you were okay but Germany wouldn't let me" Italy wrapped his arms tightly around Japan though, since Japan wasn't at full strength still he wasn't able to handle the energetic nation and his knees buckled and they both fell to the ground

"Feli, he's still recovering, you can't just jump on him like that" Germany scolded getting Italy off Japan and helping the both of them up "it's good to see that you're recovering well Kiku, how do you feel?"

"I've felt better but much better than before" Japan responded, he had a bandage on his cheek probably covering up the burn. I wanted to approach him to bid him well but something was stopping me

"That's good" Germany smiled slightly putting his hand on Japan's shoulder a gesture that Japan was comfortable with compared to Italy's tight hugs

"Though the burns haven't completely healed and the ones that did, left nasty scars" Japan insisted "I don't think I'll be going swimming any time soon as the scars are quite unsightly"

"It would be dangerous anyway since you are not at full health" Germany responded

"Ludwig, it was a joke"

"Oh, it's good that you're in high spirits" Germany patted him on the back

"It's nice to be out of the house" Japan managed a small smile. I sighed mustering up my courage and walked up to the three of them

"Kiku" I called, immediately Japan's face fell as he heard my voice

"Hello America" He greeted flatly. I guess he was still refusing to use my human name. There was a huge shift in the mood and I'm sure that both Germany and Italy could feel it too

"I'm glad that you're feeling better" I smiled at him

"Thank you" he responded in a similar tone but didn't seem like he was going to get angry again

"The meeting should be starting soon" Japan looked behind himself at the clock that hung above the door

"Right" I scratched at the back of my neck awkwardly. We took our seats around the large round table. I'm sure that Japan was still mad at me for what I did and that was understandable things like that don't just go away not even in a span of almost a year. It'll take much longer for him to forgive me and he'll never forget about it. The meeting went on, Kiku didn't say much, and afterwards I didn't even try to talk to him. Our relationship stayed as simply existing in the same world, we didn't speak much but when we did I was the one to start the conversation and I could tell that he didn't want to talk. I could still see the faint burn scars on his face which constantly reminded me of my mistake every single time I saw him.

September 11, 2001

Japan [POV]

I sat on my knees on the floor a small warm cup of tea in my hands. I sipped it gently enjoying the silence of my house. Occasionally I would still get aches and pains, but it was easy to ignore with a cup of tea. I enjoyed the silence, being with the other nations was hectic and tiring and it was nice to spend time alone. I never seemed to get tired of just being by myself. A loud knock at the door jerked me out of my thoughts. I winced as I stood up my leg stiff from sitting on my knees for so long. The person that was outside my door was nothing that I could have ever expected. America stood outside his eyes cloudy blood staining his shirt. His breathing was shallow and fast and his hair was a mess

"Alfred" I started my mouth hung open halfway "What on earth happened to you? What are you doing here? You should get to a doctor" I spoke quickly my heart starting to speed up in his chest. He sighed opening his arms out wide

"Aren't you happy Kiku?" he asked his voice hoarse, he sounded like he had been crying

"God why the hell would I be happy you're bleeding and look like you just jumped off of the empire state building and you decide to come over to my place, god Alfred get inside" I knew my voice was shaking, and I knew that I was visibly trembling.

"What?" his expression changed into shock his eyes widening with surprise.

"Please," I started a frown stretching across my face tears prickling in the corners of my eyes "Please come in" I held my hand out for him to take. There was a long pause when neither of us spoke before he finally dropped his arms to his sides reaching out taking my hand.

"Alright," He coughed once a small puff of smoke coming out of his mouth. I pulled him gently inside my house to patch up his wounds. It was pretty much silent for the rest of the day that he spent at my house. I can only imagine how much pain that he had to have been in to travel all the way here in that state.

"Thank you Kiku" America finally muttered breaking the mournful silence that had fallen over the house

"For what?" I asked even though that was probably a stupid question

"For letting me in, for patching my wounds" he looked down at his lap clutching his hands into fists "Even after what I did 74 years ago" it took me a bit to remember what happened. Hiroshima, Nagasaki. I wrapped my arm around my stomach weakly, where the many scars were. That's what he was talking about, I faintly remember what I had declared to him while I was sick with radiation and fever.

"The day that America falls will be a glorious celebration in Japan, and I swear to you that I will see that day"

"Alfred" I started my eyebrows furrowed "That was 74 years ago, the wounds have healed and so have the grudges"

"What?" his mouth hung open halfway with surprise

"I forgave you for that a long time ago Alfred" I explained

"But, we've barely talked since it happened I would have thought you were still angry with me" He insisted his eyes wide with surprise

"I won't lie, it took a long time to forgive you Alfred, but I did, I moved on but you remembered after all that time the declaration that I made through radiation filled haze" I took his hand gently which was wrapped in bandages.

"I haven't forgiven myself" He looked to the side chewing on his lower lip

"Everything heals eventually, all grudges eventually fade" I reassured him with a small smile "I forgave you a long time ago Alfred, can you forgive yourself for it though?"

"I'll try" He responded squeezing my hand gently. I felt that this was the start of our new friendship something that was broken a long time ago.

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I hope that you enjoyed this fanfiction I know it's a bit longer than usual but I hope that you didn't mind that. Also, Rest in Peace to all the victims of these events. Thank you for reading and as always,  
With love from Phantomxlegend.


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